"Through the wind and the rain she stand hard as a stone through a world that she can't rise above.. But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved... Concrete angel.."
I like that song. I'm sorry. :)
Soo... I'm probably not gonna go Trick Or Treating this year. BECAUSE.. Last year I had bad experiences with adults forcing me to talk (you know who you are..or at least WILL know..) AND because I just don't feel like it... I can't see myself going house to house asking for candy. I'd rather stay home watching those un-scary kids movies on Disney Channel or something. Hahaa.
So I don't have much to blog about. I'm a very boring person besides what everyone else says which is a LIE. I am not fun to talk to!! I know I wouldn't want to talk to me... Ick.
So, I haven't blogged in a few. Days. I came up with a good 'connection' or 'analogy' to feel (almost exactly, maybe, I don't know, I'm not YOU or THEM...) how us SM diagnosed kids feel.
Imagine your just hanging out with a bunch of friends and someone ticks someone off, and pulls out his or her gun. You're thinking, "Oh my God, please, no!" He or she shoves it into your hands and says, "Come on, just do it! ... It's easy! ... Anyone can do that! ... You idiot! Are you retarded or something?! DO IT!!"
But you just can't.
Maybe that didn't make any sense to you. Maybe it just confused you. Think about it.
Onto a different matter, we most likely all know someone with a mental or physical disability.
What about emotional-ish disabilities? Those kinds of things can haunt you forever.
It sickens me, "How strange it is that people of honest feelings and sensibility, who would not take advantage of a man born without arms or legs or eyes-- How such people think nothing of abusing a man born with low intelligence."
In my case it's no voice.
You're probably thinking, "Holy cow there's something terribly wrong with this girl! or WHAT AN IDIOT. or How sad."
Maybe none of those. Just don't FEEL bad for me.
I'm depressed, but happy at the same time that I found my Martina McBride (Concrete Angel) poster. Ha. I can put it up on my Paramore dominated walls. :)
We're reading this story called "Flowers for Algernon" by Daniel Keyes in Language Arts. I think Charlie Gordon killed himself at the end. Because if you foreshadow on the part where he says "It's hard to throw off thoughts of suicide", it is kind of obvious to me. THAT'S why I'm depressed and sad. Like that one time I looked over a CD of my cousins favorite band. My Chemical Romance. Now THAT is depressing.
Anyways, the reason I brought up that story is because in one part Charlie says he feels.... ''more alone than ever". He has a mental issue where he can't learn as well as other people so he's basically 'dumb'. And he gets a surgery to help him be smart. And he gets too smart. So smart he loses the people he thought were his friends and his job, too.
I feel bad for him. Even though he's most likely not real. And he doesn't want people to feel bad for him.
COUGH COUGH.
I don't know what to write about today.... I noticed that having SM is kind of a blessing, in a way. A neutral way, not good or bad. Just in between. Just riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Like Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
My friend Heidi from Facebook just made a good point. (Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D ) She has SM too. People ask us things everyday about ''how quiet we are'' and things like that. It ain't like we can tell them... Dur. I'm random. Apparently. In some sort of good way.
I'm thinking of other ways to express my anger over selective mutism awareness and stuff. Why do I know only one person who has it? Isn't the commonness like 1 in every 146 or something? So at least 3-4 kids at my school have it. That includes me, so.... ? THAT'S FAIR, NOT TELLING ANYONE ELSE. I'd rather have the whole world know. Well kind of.
What REALLY makes me feel left out, all the time, is when a teacher asks me in front of the entire class, "Amber, are you sure you are comfortable and BLAH BLAH BLAH?!?!"
"Get a life," I feel like saying.
Today was okay. I'm just still a little bit angry about that doctor dude last night. Some doctor, huh? I'm choosing not to say anything about him on here because I'm nice like that(:
So anyways... I'm bored, and my mom said I should try and do this blogging thing everyday. To help people with what I have, too. Selective mutism. It sucks, and ew, my mom just gave me really terrible tasting gum. Anyways... I don't know. I really don't ever have much to say. Hmm.... Grr!
This stupid "What's on your mind?" on Facebook is killing me. I want to reply back to it and say "WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?!?!?!?!"
We all live in a yellow submarine.
A yellow submarine.
Something just popped into my mind. I've been working on portraits of Luke Benward from a ton of movies and stuff.... and Hayley Williams from Paramore for the past three or four days. Scary right? They're actually pretty good, too. The only problem is that I can't get their eyeballs and mouths right. Roar.
I found out they're both from Franklin, Tennessee and both have green eyes. Haha. I would know that.
GUESS WHAT?
Who cares. I'm bored, and I want to not think about green eyed people and selective mutism for awhile.
Tuesday, October 10th, 2009
I am angry. Dealing with selective mutism is not fun at all. Nobody will ever understand how much pain and frustration and sadness... And don't forget hurt... That I have to go through and think about every single day of my life.
"Hang in there moms and dads, you are not alone!" I wonder who else is not alone...
I feel and sound very fancy today, just saying.
